It’s easy to forget what the holidays are really about. What with all travel plans to make – take this city bus here, hitch hike there – it’s easy to get distracted. So I just want to take a minute to say what I’m thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I have one of the best jobs in the world, second to only the people that work for Disney On Ice.
That really sick stray cat that I used to feed stop coming around, I’m thankful that it looks like he found a permanent home.
The McRib is back – making high quality meat available for all.
Wolves are making a comeback in Yellowstone.
The DA said I no longer have to testify.
Houses are real cheap to buy, that’s good for everyone, right?
My Chia Pet is flourishing.
And lastly, they just opened a Big Lots! by my house.
I hope you all feel as blessed as I do. Have a happy Thanksgiving!! Gobble gobble!
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You know what scares me on Halloween? Fat children. Twelve percent of Pennsylvania’s children are considered to be obese. That is a shocking number. My heart and my tears go out to them, and my malevolent thoughts go out to their parents. I would like you all to think twice before you load up your trick-or-treat dishes with peanut brittle and Zagnuts, and consider the nutritive value of fruits and vegetables. That razor blade in the apple story scared many people away from handing out and accepting healthy treats, but it was purely a myth. You know what is actually inside of an apple? An abundance of vitamins and minerals. Hopefully by next Halloween I won’t see any true-to-size oompa loompas or overstretched S’s on Superman costumes.
Attention all mothers, fathers, legal guardians, and illegal guardians; I, Dwight Schrute, am opening a daycare service in the Scranton Business Park. As you all know, I can build a well-fortified pigpen, and I can dominate in a bullpen, so it makes sense that I would be able to create an efficient playpen. If this daycare is a success, I’m not stopping there.
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